Hello, hey, what's up, netizen? Back again with the boy, which still attaching himself with more not-that-impressive feelings and his past that, might be, full of regrets. And, at some point, he concede to the reality and not fight for it, until the end.
Now, let's discuss about how this 'concede' thing become one of the naivety, especially when it comes to me. Concede, usually regarded as you admit defeat or you surrender, either to the greater cause or it's just you can't handle it no more. In my opinion, it's like a never-ending battle, keep on going until you found a rebound, and yet, you still regret and keep on fighting. Matter of fact, you lose control in what and who you should love, and intend to found yourself in a spiral of time, lonely in infinity.
Who is the girl that you let her go after all those fights, you might ask? Let's call her Afila. She is an activist, artsy, and epic. It is not a familiar name, but it is some sort of pseudonym that I came up with, because she is really that remarkable, that I usually use her name in every story before I compose it, and appear in a form of inspiration when I start to write some poem. Well, she's that big, to become my influence, in my life. Matter of fact, she's my high school crush, right after I thought all hope is lost. That's why she's a perfect example for this diary, Concede, and I'll tell you why.
Back in my days, I was her co-worker, at most of the events that my school conducted. Funny, I still remember her as an enigma at some part of my brain. She was that smart, beauty and many exaggerations that you might compiled of, because that how I saw her in my high school days. People said that I was a 'Fool' and she was a 'Lover', but I'm within her shadow, she looked at me as a co-worker and at some point, she called me her 'best friend'. Back then, I don't realise that she was that important, not until I let her go. Yes, I concede.
Moreover, destiny and fate tangled together, create conspiracy after conspiracy, that make me close to her. Yeah, she was taken during the early days, and most of my friends scolded me that I shouldn't that close with her. Well, that is quite painful, though. But I, carry on. Until I was part of the artsy group in my association, seems like I tried to get close again after put some distance for awhile, unconsciously. It happened so fast, and I was one of her closest. Not to mention, she broke up with him. I jumped over my bed, and I was that happy, that time.
That time was a good day that I felt like the sky is closer than the earth I stood, it was great and all, even the ticklish butterfly come and go, it was joyous. Time to make a move, I thought. I'm her closest acquaintance, so far, now is my chance to get her as my partner-in-crime that probably last a lifetime. I did care for her, really, that is why I want to make her the happiest. This time, I tried not to concede, I fought my way, slash and hack with all my guts. I never felt that excited before, not until then. For the time being, my younger self was in ecstatic, doing all do's and don'ts to gain her attention and affection. Well, I was waiting for a chance, a perfect timing, and this is my downfall.
Later that year, I just realise that my good friend, a colleague, was also waiting for her too. Not longing, not like me, he was waiting for her. She was his personal journey, his conquest that you might say. Matter fact, he told me all of his problem related to her, because I was like her closest boy-friend yet, like come on, of course, people will unto her eventually, who am I kidding. I was stupid and all, thinking it would be all perfect in the end. This ain't a romance comedy situation that all worked out in the end.
Long story short, I was naive and lost my optimism. He was better on all aspects than me; I was a beansprout and who likes me anyway. I never found my perfect timing, where all the things in the world would conspire with me to win her, all of her affection. That colleague of mine won his conquest, he gained his experiences for his journey, and necessities to fight the world, that time. And, what about me? I concede.
Well, in the end, their relationship sunk deeper than a titanic, and I lost interest in her. I gave up on her just like that. I chose all of the camaraderie about friendship, and all of those nonsense stuff that I still believed in, until now. I was elated to see her smile, when she was with him. She is probably enjoy his company along the way. But, in the end, I concede to the reality, I concede to the beauty of falling in love and longing for it, just because I was happy to see them together. My naivety led me into a submission of fate, or concede toward for things that probably worth your time and effort, but in this case, I am not regret my decision that day. It was all worth it, see her smile is enough? No, see her happy is enough, see her with me in another lifetime is what I was looking for. She was a package full of surprise, surprising enough to gain attention from all the boys around her, including me.
For my naivety, it was all totally worth my time. I hate to say this, but the moment I became her closest is the best time I ever had. Even until now, she still keep contact with me, unlike any other girls in my story. For now, that was the best unrequited love that I ever felt. Concede defeat on her was like a bag of Sour Patch candy, so sour yet so good. It was a good treat even after all the things that I have been through. It was enchanting.
That is all, folks. I wish that I could keep up with all the stories with the time I had. It was an adventure that I never forget and regret, so far. I only keep on wishing that I could not concede, but in every fights that been through, even a wise man know where and when to admit defeat, including on matters of longing and loving. But, my journey is carry on and I hope, you guys, the honorable netizens, would like to accompany me in this rollercoaster. See ya, in another entry.
Best Regards,
D
