Diary of Boy's Naivety: Part Three: Concede

Hello, hey, what's up, netizen? Back again with the boy, which still attaching himself with more not-that-impressive feelings and his past that, might be, full of regrets. And, at some point, he concede to the reality and not fight for it, until the end.

Now, let's discuss about how this 'concede' thing become one of the naivety, especially when it comes to me. Concede, usually regarded as you admit defeat or you surrender, either to the greater cause or it's just you can't handle it no more. In my opinion, it's like a never-ending battle, keep on going until you found a rebound, and yet, you still regret and keep on fighting. Matter of fact, you lose control in what and who you should love, and intend to found yourself in a spiral of time, lonely in infinity.

Who is the girl that you let her go after all those fights, you might ask? Let's call her Afila. She is an activist, artsy, and epic. It is not a familiar name, but it is some sort of pseudonym that I came up with, because she is really that remarkable, that I usually use her name in every story before I compose it, and appear in a form of inspiration when I start to write some poem. Well, she's that big, to become my influence, in my life. Matter of fact, she's my high school crush, right after I thought all hope is lost. That's why she's a perfect example for this diary, Concede, and I'll tell you why.

Back in my days, I was her co-worker, at most of the events that my school conducted. Funny, I still remember her as an enigma at some part of my brain. She was that smart, beauty and many exaggerations that you might compiled of, because that how I saw her in my high school days. People said that I was a 'Fool' and she was a 'Lover', but I'm within her shadow, she looked at me as a co-worker and at some point, she called me her 'best friend'. Back then, I don't realise that she was that important, not until I let her go. Yes, I concede.

Moreover, destiny and fate tangled together, create conspiracy after conspiracy, that make me close to her. Yeah, she was taken during the early days, and most of my friends scolded me that I shouldn't that close with her. Well, that is quite painful, though. But I, carry on. Until I was part of the artsy group in my association, seems like I tried to get close again after put some distance for awhile, unconsciously. It happened so fast, and I was one of her closest. Not to mention, she broke up with him. I jumped over my bed, and I was that happy, that time.

That time was a good day that I felt like the sky is closer than the earth I stood, it was great and all, even the ticklish butterfly come and go, it was joyous. Time to make a move, I thought. I'm her closest acquaintance, so far, now is my chance to get her as my partner-in-crime that probably last a lifetime. I did care for her, really, that is why I want to make her the happiest. This time, I tried not to concede, I fought my way, slash and hack with all my guts. I never felt that excited before, not until then. For the time being, my younger self was in ecstatic, doing all do's and don'ts to gain her attention and affection. Well, I was waiting for a chance, a perfect timing, and this is my downfall.

Later that year, I just realise that my good friend, a colleague, was also waiting for her too. Not longing, not like me, he was waiting for her. She was his personal journey, his conquest that you might say. Matter fact, he told me all of his problem related to her, because I was like her closest boy-friend yet, like come on, of course, people will unto her eventually, who am I kidding. I was stupid and all, thinking it would be all perfect in the end. This ain't a romance comedy situation that all worked out in the end.

Long story short, I was naive and lost my optimism. He was better on all aspects than me; I was a beansprout and who likes me anyway. I never found my perfect timing, where all the things in the world would conspire with me to win her, all of her affection. That colleague of mine won his conquest, he gained his experiences for his journey, and necessities to fight the world, that time. And, what about me? I concede.

Well, in the end, their relationship sunk deeper than a titanic, and I lost interest in her. I gave up on her just like that. I chose all of the camaraderie about friendship, and all of those nonsense stuff that I still believed in, until now. I was elated to see her smile, when she was with him. She is probably enjoy his company along the way. But, in the end, I concede to the reality, I concede to the beauty of falling in love and longing for it, just because I was happy to see them together. My naivety led me into a submission of fate, or concede toward for things that probably worth your time and effort, but in this case, I am not regret my decision that day. It was all worth it, see her smile is enough? No, see her happy is enough, see her with me in another lifetime is what I was looking for. She was a package full of surprise, surprising enough to gain attention from all the boys around her, including me. 

For my naivety, it was all totally worth my time. I hate to say this, but the moment I became her closest is the best time I ever had. Even until now, she still keep contact with me, unlike any other girls in my story. For now, that was the best unrequited love that I ever felt. Concede defeat on her was like a bag of Sour Patch candy, so sour yet so good. It was a good treat even after all the things that I have been through. It was enchanting.

That is all, folks. I wish that I could keep up with all the stories with the time I had. It was an adventure that I never forget and regret, so far. I only keep on wishing that I could not concede, but in every fights that been through, even a wise man know where and when to admit defeat, including on matters of longing and loving. But, my journey is carry on and I hope, you guys, the honorable netizens, would like to accompany me in this rollercoaster. See ya, in another entry.

Best Regards,

D

Innocence of A Child

Since when, we, adults, lost all of its innocence as a child?

Sometimes the question is bothering me to the bone. Not exactly what I thought, but it's just annoyance for some people. I, personally, thought that at certain point of life, we happened to meet a turning point, like a Winter Solstice, some sort like that. We lost the innocence from what we thought about friendship to what we thought about being compassionate to our loved ones. Fake a smile to pleased certain people. Then, we cry like a baby in 3 in the morning. It's just become a cycle when you something that give you a lot of thought, meanwhile you don't have to put a lot of thought about it.

Turning points, a lot of turning points in our life become a sensational, yet painful, become our reasoning to argue. In fact, we just lost all our imagination, and start to think forward. Is it only limited to some people with creativity, that they thought they still a child inside of you? No! Some adults necessarily have thought at this matter and people would be like "Oh, god, stop being childish,". And that's it, you continue to live as it is. With some boring routines, paperworks, and so on.

I, myself, am going through it. Parents keep me thinking to create my future. Basically, where are those my stupendous innocence as a child go? "I want to become a president,", "I want to become someone reliable," and some sort like that.

Since when, we, adults, lost all of its innocence as a child?

Let's just keep it simple.

Life is short. So, you've got to be YOLO, at certain point. My thought about YOLO, YOLO is not about once, it's about how you enjoy the moment though its only momentarily. YOLO is not some reasons that make you to do some fat-witted act. It's about how you could create a moment where you could rejoice all of your inner child, create a wild, yet creative Imagination to have thought that "Ah, I lived my life too short, but it's wonderful and I enjoyed it to the fullest,". That inner child, that Innocence, that could make you slightly comfortable with all of your surroundings. Live a life that you would remember. Not live a life that you would regret.

And, then ask to yourself again. Since when, we, adults, lost all of its innocence as a child?

The answer is not as simple as described above. The answer is we lost it when we couldn't enjoy the present day, we couldn't rejoice the yesterday, and we couldn't careless thought about tomorrow. We lost it at the moment when we thought it's only momentarily which is not, it's eternal because you lived it to the fullest, then at some point, you could talk about it to other people and your family. We lost it when we thought we couldn't do another thing that we could do. We lost it when you thought that, Life is repetition, which is not, It's about how you to live at the moment.

Then again, since when, we adults, lost all of its innocence as a child?

Where is a smile that could be more valued?

Where is a fun times where being reckless is having an experience?

Where is an imagination, which could help you lessened the pain you take?

It's all about you. You could make it happened. You could make it a day where you could rejoice it. You could make it enjoyable, as if you've been lived an aeon. You are the key where your innocence become something that you could value more than anything. Yourself are the child, because being a child is not being childish. It's being more rational, more control, in every and each solid decision you made, to have your every day more colourful that you couldn't imagine.

Best Gratitude,

D.

Aku, Kamu, dan Konstelasi Bintang

Aku ciptakan cerita jika waktu takkan lanjut untuk merajut apa yang akan tiada.
Bukan berarti aku akan menciptakan sejarah yang penuh tanda tanya, hanya saja setiap pertanyaan hanya menciptakan cerita yang bahkan takkan pernah sama.
Jika, bukan karenanya, aku mungkin akan menjadi sebuah gulungan hampa yang tak bernada, tidak seperti sebuah kamus yang menciptakan sebuah runtut kata yang akan diucapkan.

Ketika, hujan turun, seraya setiap daun dan ranting menyanyikan cerita lama mereka.
Bukan sebuah kata yang berima, tapi kalimat yang berirama.
Tapi, ketika mereka melantunkan nada, terkadang nurani berkata apa yang telah terjadi selama 18 tahun yang dilakukan oleh diriku ini.
Yang berarti satu, apa yang menghasilkan siapa dalam cerita ini?

18 tahun.
Cerita yang akan disampaikan mungkin akan lebih dari 1 bait, atau bahkan 1 paragraf baku.
Yang menghasilkan sebuah penjelasan,
"INI ADALAH AKU.
AKU YANG TELAH MEMBAWA RAGAKU UNTUK MENCIPTAKAN AKU UNTUK MENJADI SESUATU."
Tidak, hal ini bukanlah yang ciptakan untuk menunjukan siapa aku, tapi apakah aku?

Seperti Chairil Anwar yang melantunkan Aku dalam setiap bait puisinya, aku juga sebuah binatang.
Tetapi, binatang ini tidak diciptakan untuk menjadi jalang.
Tetapi, diciptakan untuk menyayangi dan mencintai.
Memberi dan mengasihi.
Kadang kala, menangisi dan meratapi.
Itulah aku.
Aku yang menciptakan siapa dan apa dalam hidupku.
Hidup yang terkadang tak beragam tapi sempurna, sempurna dalam ketidaksempurnaannya.

Sekarang, hujan pun reda.
Matahari bersinar menciptakan tujuh warna bidadari yang menghimpun mata dunia dan menciptakan keindahan dalam setiap pandang.
Sekarang akan kusampaikan tentang Kamu.
Kamu itu sebuah rasa.
Tercipta memberikan hambar sebuah dansa.
Memberikan keadaan kepada ketiadaan.

Kamu itu menciptakan pesan kepada hal yang liar dan luas.
Imajinasi yang takkan terikat pada sebuah gravitasi.
Seperti Matahari yang menerangi dan liar bak lubang hitam diujung galaksi.
Ciptakan impian yang akan menerangi.
Yang mungkin kamu akan sadar bahwa itulah kamu untukku.

Korelasi pada bintang menciptakan indah pada waktunya.
Malam yang tercipta akan terlihat cantik.
Dengan terciptanya konstelasi bintang.
Sirius, Ursa Major, dan Segitiga Musim Panas.

Itu kamu dengan aku.
Menciptakan sifat dan menggabungkan rasa.
Memberikan cahaya dan memanfaatkan gelap.
Seperti itulah ketika Aku dan Kamu.
Sejuta kemungkinan, miliaran akal, triliunan Imajinasi.

Diary of Boy's Naivety: Part Two: Confusion

Hello again, Netizen!
It's me, again with more complexity in life and more "early-conclusion" in life that I kind of regret it for a quite long time.
Well, this is me and another wishful thinking that led me to a long-term confusion.

Let me talk about Confusion, in my rhetoric opinion.
More likely, Confusion is a sugar candy that when you eat it, it has a fragrance smell, yet, a sour sweet taste.
Yes, it gave you a possible outcome and a surprising nature on the other side. But, it led you to another thought that what if it's actually not a candy, but a sour, ticklish mango that sweetened to a certain degree. I dunno, but it led you to confusion, rite? Me too.

Now, it's a another girl, that I recently met, she's a Korean. I recently know her, either.
Her name, let's go with, Kim.
Well, it's a quite familiar name in Korea, especially there're a lot of people using this surname, both boy or girl.
Another Confusion? Well, let's just start my journey of confusion, with this girl.

Recently, I went to Korea to attend some sort of Conference. The place was full of the volunteers from every university in Korea, i think. They're so cute, pretty, and any other good words that resembled "Beauty" in every kind of aspect, especially you're a K-Pop addict or whatsoever.

Long story short, I met Kim through my friends that with the same room with her. She's a volunteer to the conference. She's not too cute, neither an extraordinary one, but she left an impression of geeky attitude and playful side of her.
So far, that is how I see her and led me into my first confusion.

Then, several day after the conference, my friends asked Kim to meet-up at her university. Her university is a well-known one, so, it's quite prestigious.
We met her after we have a bit tour to know a bit better of the Korea Traditional Culture.
After that, We met her near a station with her friend. FYI, her friend is quite cute, if you like a cool chick with some sort of Korea fashion, tho.
I happened to see her closely, and realize that she looked at me, too. But, somehow it's just a pure coincidence and led me to my second confusion. That was too naive of me, to be true.

I talked with her, how's her life until now, her hobby, and why she attracted to become a volunteer at the conference. The topics are changing randomly, and yet, I was too afraid to ask her if she's actually single or not.

Cut to the more important point, we had dinner together, talk more about her life and my life, a bit. she told me she experience the same conference like mind and it was awesome when she see it in her voluntary view on the conference. I nodded, because I experienced it, once, and it was quite bothersome.

After we have an awesome dinner, yes, I forgot about what am I eating anyway, I added her to my friend list on facebook, and see her post about that dinner. She accompanied us to the nearest subway, that was the last I saw her. She smiled graciously. I was awe-struck seeing her smile. It was somehow pure and really left me an impression. That night, I felt like having my another love story, and my friends said it's more likely a one night love. But, you know what? I never regret for what I do that night, chatting with her, let the time passed as she spoke and laughing. It was one of the best day of my life.

Yes, I was naive that time and some jumping into conclusion thingy I had was really let me a mixture of confusion, at the same time, led me to the confusion that am I really that easy to fall in love to another girl and whatsoever that related to the matter.

But, one thing for sure, that smile I saw, I never regret it, not even once. Her laugh will always be in my memory. Memory when I was here, in Korea, and how I left a piece of my heart here, to let it wander to the one I once fall in love with. My confusion is lead me to a new horizon where my heart totally recognize which ship I should embark on or not. It's eternal.

That's all folks, I hope I could give you more story to be told and my adventure to written. Either it's a love adventure or just another rants that created by this boy. Peace.

Best Regards,

D.

Diary of Boy's Naivety: Part One: Ignorance

Hi, there, Netizen! And people who stupidly or a bit Ignorance that read this blog thoroughly!
By the way, thanks for it! I appreciate it.

Now, let me talk about Ignorance.
Ignorance is like something you just left it out then suddenly you kinda care for it and then you don't. That is what I thought about Ignorance.

Let's just talk about a girl, shall we?
Let's call her, Christa.
It's a fake name and if it's correlated to you, you may want to talk with my lawyer about it and no animals harm in this story.

Christa is an Idol, an actress, a famous person. Well, whatever you call it. She was cute, pretty, and have all the dreams that every girl dream. Well, d'oh, becoming a famous person.

Let's just say, before she was famous, she was like a better girl than before. Yes, kind and something like that. Yes, it was all in my opinion. I met her on twitter, talk about it online, and know her by being such a douchebag, but still "support" her in every possible kind of way.

It was like you found an unpolished diamond, and something like that I wasn't sugarcoating it but you'll understand about it. Later in this blog.

I was like having contact with her a lot, even after she start to take the stairs for becoming star. Well, one-sided, though. I was enthusiastic with her, yes, what could possibly go wrong, I thought. But it's all a shattered dream voyage. And will talk about it later, in the part of the story.

I've been every low of her and through. There was one time that her scandal pics are escalated through out all the social media and generate a huge commotion, which I thought not a big deal, she almost become someone famous and everybody really going all-out to bring her down, she chat me a while, then she asked if it's disappointment to me. Well, it was a helluva struck of lightning, I tell you. But I said, it's okay and bla-bla-bla, and I'll be there with you. That was a naivety of mine.

Time lapsed, she become famous and whatsoever. It really soothe me to know there're a lot people like who care for her and anything I would do for her, just to make her shine through the night. But it didn't do the same to me. I was left out just because I'm so far away with her. I was like a morning memory, left out like a forgotten casserole that your mom made because it tasted not too good. But I fight through it. Getting back for her attention and anything would do. I talked about my day and ask about hers. Well, I did it good and I got her attention, a lot of good things come, I think to myself. And that was my second Naivety.

Then, it happened. I was deleted by her. She was gone in my contact list. Like the sound of a snapping fingers. I asked her friend, she said it was formatted and whatsoever that I didn't want to recall. And I left her. I stopped giving guidance to her. That was my Ignorance. Leaving out all the best you could like that.

One day, I was kinda sad, don't know what to do, like a puppy that lose his way. It was like several month, I abandoned her. I was too busy with my life, which is good and lose her in some point of it. Totally lost her.

Yes, I still sent some messages and tweet about it. But, yes, she was a famous person, for God's sake. How come she could read all of it? I regret for being such an Ignorant person.

Then, I came to where she would perform on her show. Yes, I watched her carefully. I'm not batting my eyes, on another. Only on her. Hope that she will notice me somewhere in the crowds. Yes, of course, she doesn't. She has like a ton of fans. And a lot of them, are more, let's just say, famous among fans, than I am, A scrutty, stupid, good-for-nothing person.

After that, something came up on my mind, what about I retired? What if I just abandon it for good?
Second after that, I did it. But I just tell her on my last gift, my last contribution for her, that I'll support her for good and whatsoever to leave a good comments on me. I'll chat with her later and things that a friend should do. Here's my stupid and one after another Ignorance.

I asked her friend for her contacts, and yes, she was unknown. I tried to add her, but, no, she's gone entirely. Yes, all of my ignorance and my naivety are ruin this kind of relationship I had. But, one thing for sure, I was blinded by it. Blinded that I was the only number one fans and also a friend to her. Not after I heard about her story from among my friends. Yes, she was corrupted and blinded by being a famous person. It was a sad thing. I was there for her, I was left out for good, by her. Well, Karma does exist.

Long story short, I gave up on her. It's not easy, y'know. But, what am I suppose to do? Carry on and living my dream doesn't seems so bad, tho.
All I know is now she was happy for now, surrounded by her fans, living in her dream.
I also do the same thing. I live my life to the fullest and do things to achieve my long-term dream I planned.

My ignorance led me to the place that I was happy and regret, at the same time. But, mostly I did it since I was a naive person. It's never been good for a people like me, with a thought of it, well, Life goes on like a ship "choo-choo-choo".

Well, that's the end of my Diary. Hope to see you again, soon. If I'm not too busy for enjoy my routines and my life that not too awesome but hope I ain't regret for it.

Best Regard,

D.

Your regret, is it a despair or a continuance of your future?

Pernah berpikir bahwa yang anda sayangi pada nyatanya belum tentu menyayangi anda sebaliknya. Atau anda menyayanginya tanpa memberitahunya? Sepertinya hal ini adalah lumrah untuk kita semua, terutama yang tidak jujur terhadap diri sendiri. Tanpa disadari, anda sudah menjadi tamu di pernikahan orang yang kau sayangi atau bahkan tanpa sengaja kau sudah masuk dalam zona aman si dia dan dianggap "cuman teman".

Pikiranku memuncak ketika hal itu terdengar dari salah satu acara TV swasta yang sedang mengudara malam ini. Ku meneguk segelas susu coklat hangat untuk meringankan bebanku sejenak. Bukan berarti aku akan melupakan kejadian hari ini. Bukan juga untuk mengenang waktu waktu bersamanya. Aku memandang jauh kedalam masa lalu dan menerawang ke masa depan. Bukan berarti aku seorang dukun ataupun orang supranatural, tetapi mengingat bagaimana waktu berjalan lebih cepat dari rotasi bumi, aku menyadari bahwa hal tersebut merupakan satu satunya hal yang ingin kukembalikan dalam sekejap, secepat sebuah jentikan jari.

Kupandangi sejenak foto kelulusan SD, SMP dan SMA. Bahkan saat kuliah pun lulus bersama. Wanita itu selalu memandang jauh kedepan dalam setiap senyum yang simpul di wajahnya. Dia, adalah Nikita, teman masa kecil, sahabat SMA, teman terbaik, dan orang yang ku sayangi. Dia selalu berada disampingku, bahkan disaat aku ditolak oleh orang yang kusukai masaku SMA.

Hanya saja pada saat itu, aku tak melihatnya sebagai seorang yang kucintai. Padahal ia berada disisiku selama itu. 20 tahun, waktu yang lama untuk baru menyadari bahwa ia selama ini berada disisiku dimanapun aku berada, terdiam, dan disaat terburuk yang kualami.

Ya, aku adalah orang terbodoh dalam bidang ini. Bahkan saat Revan sudah memberitahuku untuk jalan dengan dia. Bukan sebagai seorang teman, tetapi sebagai seorang kekasih.

Sesal. Itu yang kurasakan sekarang. Sesal yang sangat dalam dan terasa menusuk hingga terasa di tulang rusukku yang hilang. Kiasan memang, tetapi apa yang kurasakan sekarang adalah seperti itu. Meja kerja yang berantakan terlihat seperti perasaanku saat ini, kacau. Membuatku ingin merapihkannya dan menyusunnya berbentuk simetris. Untuk menandakan bahwa perasaanku saat ini sudah pulih dan membaik.

Terselip diatas meja kerja tersebut, sebuah undangan pernikahan. Undangan itu adalah undangan pernikahan Nikita dengan pria yang ia kenal pada saat ia magang menjadi wartawan majalah remaja dan aku diundang. Ya, diundang sebagai tamu, melihatnya dalam gaun pernikahan dan bersama seseorang yang bukan aku. Dalam benakku, inilah yang aku takutkan. Takut dalam artian, aku belum siap menghadapinya. Bisa saja aku tidak datang, tapi tepat dibelakang undangan itu, ada sticky notes yang biasa ia tulis pada saat SMA. Untuk memberikan jawaban ataupun mengingatkan janji isengku padanya. Diatas sticky notes itu tertulis, "Datang ya, gus. Ingat janjimu pada saat kita wisuda di SMP - Nikita,".

Janji. Janji yang pernah kusampaikan untuknya. Janji bahwa aku akan mendukung apapun yang terbaik untuknya dan selalu berada disampingnya. Aku berjanji untuk selalu mendukung yang terbaik untuknya, tetapi selalu berada disampingnya? Tidak, aku mengingkarinya. Sekarang bukan aku yang berada disampingnya sekarang, tetapi orang lain yang bahkan aku tidak mengenalnya hingga bulan lalu, Nikita memperkenalkannya padaku saat reuni SMA.

Terpuruk, bukan berarti aku harus menanggung derita perasaan pilu ini. 
Terjatuh, bukan berarti aku tidak perlu bangkit dan merangkak keluar dari lubang ini. 
Terdzolimi, bukan berarti... Tunggu, aku sama sekali tidak terdzolimi dengan hal ini.

Tapi pada akhirnya, aku harus menghadapinya. Bukan sebagai orang larut dalam perasaan lara, tetapi seseorang yang memandang cinta sebagai hal yang indah. Indah dalam menyampaikan sesuatu yang tak pasti. Indah dalam membuat seseorang jatuh, berlutut dan terlihat seperti kehilangan arah. Indah dalam bentuk yang bahkan diriku tidak tahu bahwa itu cinta.

Waktu memang menjengkelkan. Tapi ia membuktikan bahwa sesal pada akhirnya adalah cara seseorang untuk berevolusi ataupun merubahnya menjadi lebih buruk. Kemudian, ku teringat akan pesan Nikita saat wisuda Universitas.

"Gus, terima kasih ya, selama ini kau selalu ada disampingku, mendukungku, tapi sayang, kau bahkan tidak menyadarinya," ucap Nikita saat itu.

Aku yang dulu mungkin tak menyadari maksud dari kalimat tersebut, dan sekarang jika ada hal yang bisa mengembalikan momen itu, akan kucubit keras diriku, dan memberanikan diri untuk menyampaikan perasaaku saat itu.

Yah, itukan dulu. Sudah saatnya juga aku menghadapi hal ini. Menganggap hal ini sebagai kenangan yang penting, sebuah evolusiku dari sebuah batu yang keras, menjadi seonggok tanah yang lembut. Bukan berarti harus melupakan segalanya, tapi harus ada yang menjadi cambuk untuk diriku. Memandang jauh kedepan untuk menggapai sesuatu yang lebih berharga, mungkin.

Perasaan itu dulu pernah kurasakan. Penyesalan memang datang terlambat. Tetapi, penyesalanku kali ini adalah suatu hal yang harus dihadapi, aku mengingatnya sebagai tanda bahwa aku pernah melewati fase tersebut. Fase dimana kau baru merasakan sebuah perubahan signifikan dari menjadi teman hingga menjadi orang yang disayangi.

Teleponku bergetar, tanda SMS masuk.

"Ingat ya, kita harus berdandan rapih untuk pernikahan Nikita dan Rio, malam ini,"

SMS itu dari Gracia. Ia adalah calon istriku. 

Ah, lebih baik bergegas sekarang. Sebelum nanti banyak yang ia ocehkan di perjalanan kesana.

Jadi, apakah penyesalanmu berakhir menjadi kesedihan buatmu atau menjadi sebuah perubahan untuk masa depanmu?

Cinta Abadiku Hanya Untukmu

Sore ini, aku tetap mendentingkan gitarku untuk para pasangan yang sedang memadu kasih mereka di taman ini. Aku memainkan beberapa lagu Evergreen Love Song serta lagu cinta buatanku. Sebenarnya, aku sedikit iri dengan mereka. Karena aku tak dapat bersamanya, pada hari valentine ini. 

Dari tempatku berdiri aku dapat melihat semua orang. Lihat disana, pasangan yang mencinta dalam diam. Mereka saling memegang tangan dan menyandarkan pundak satu sama lain. Yah, mereka hanya saling melempar senyum dan cekikikan bersama ketika tanpa sadar kedua mata saling berpapasan. Hal ini membuatku langsung memainkan beberapa lagu yang cocok untuk mereka. Ketika 2 lagu selesai, mereka menghampiriku dan melemparkan uang ke kotak gitarku serta melempar senyum kepadaku. Cukup hangat, menurutku. Mereka kembali memadu kasih kembali di bangku taman itu dan merangkul satu sama lain.

Sepertinya, aku bukan sedikit iri lagi sepertinya, sangat iri, pasangan ini selain menarik untuk dilihat, mereka ramah kepadaku. 

"Seandainya saat ini kita sedang bersama, salju putihku," gumamku dalam riuh ramai taman ini.

Lain lagi dengan pasangan yang ada dibawah pepohonan rindang itu, mereka terlihat asik menceritakan pengalaman mereka, tertawa lepas tentang cerita perjalanan mereka, karena aku melihat carrier mereka yang besar yang menandakan mereka memiliki jiwa liar dan juga petualang. Yah, mereka telah menambah keirianku karena aku tak dapat mengajaknya jalan jalan bersamaku.

Aku menyanyikan lagu buatanku yang cukup menceritakan suasana itu. Lagu itu tentang sebuah semangat cinta yang tak mudah padam meski dalam kesusahan. Yah, aku tahu itu terlalu klise tapi memang lagu itu yang cocok dengan mereka berdua. Bahkan menurutku, terlalu cocok.

Mereka tertawa ketika mendengar lagu yang kunyanyikan. Mereka kembali menceritakan pengalaman mereka atau mungkin memberikan komentar mengenai laguku yang cocok dengan mereka. Setidaknya itu perkiraanku.

Dua laguku selesai, mereka sadar dan menghampiriku juga memberikan uang sama seperti pasangan tadi dan sebuah kotak berisi coklat dari tempat mereka datangi sebelumnya.

“Hey, jangan nyanyi lagu cerita cinta doang, kamu juga harus punya cerita cinta sendiri,” kata pasangan itu bersamaan. Kebetulan? Setidaknya, menurutku mereka sama klop juga cocok satu sama lain.

Aku hanya mengangguk terima kasih kepada mereka. Lalu, mereka melanjutkan perjalanan mereka. Aku melihat mereka bersemangat untuk melanjutkan perjalanan cinta mereka. Kemanapun kaki mereka melangkah. Istilah "dunia hanya milik berdua" adalah ungkapan yang cocok untuk mereka, bahkan lebih terlihat dunia yang mengikuti perjalanan mereka. 

"Salju putihku, bukankah kita juga diikuti oleh dunia dan disaksikan oleh Yang Maha Kuasa, bukan?" gumamku dalam hati.

Kemudian, dibangku taman tepat dibawah lampu jalan, seorang gadis yang gelisah dan terus memegang telepon genggamnya dan bolak-balik mencoba menelepon seseorang. Menurutku, dia seorang pasangan Long Distance Relationship atau LDR. Mungkin mereka berjanjian untuk bertemu di tempat ini, setidaknya itu asumsiku. Segera, aku kembali mendentingkan gitar untuk memainkan lagu yang bertemakan LDR. Yah, mungkin lagu ini dapat menenangkan hatinya yang gelisah. Aku memainkan kurang lebih 3 lagu yang bertema sama. 

"LDR ini seperti mengingatkanku pada dirimu, wahai salju putihku," diriku kembali bergumam tentang hal yang sama.

Lalu, aku melihat seorang pria berlari lari dan masih membawa koper dan ranselnya. Asumsiku adalah ia terburu buru dari bandara untuk menemui gadis itu. Gadis itu memarahi pria itu tanpa alasan lalu tanpa disadari ia mengeluarkan air mata. Air mata itu terlihat seperti mengkhawatirkannya, seperti bunga merindukan matahari. Pria itu terlihat panik, bingung apa yang harus ia lakukan. Lalu, aku melihat yang ia lakukan, mungkin hal itu juga akan terjadi pada diriku jika dirinya berada disini, yaitu memeluknya untuk menenangkan dirinya.

Pria itu lalu mencium kening gadis itu dan menenangkannya juga mengeluarkan bunga dari ranselnya. Buket bunga daffodil disertai dengan bunga matahari dan mistletoe yang kusut karena mungkin bunga itu tertimpa barang barang yang ada didalamnya. Gadis itu kemudian menyeka air matanya dan memberikan senyum hangat kepada pria itu dan memeluknya erat. Terlihat sepertinya mereka sudah akur.

Aku langsung memainkan lagu kesukaanku yang mungkin jika dia berada disampingku sekarang ini yaitu, “I Love You, Anyway” oleh Mocca. Mungkin, lagu ini cocok dengan suasana hati mereka.

Setelah aku selesai menyanyikan lagu itu, gadis itu menarik pasangannya untuk menghampiriku dan ia melemparkan sejumlah uang.

“Makasih, ya, karena sudah menenangkan diriku yang tadi gelisah karena takut karena si bodoh ini telat,” katanya sambil memukul pasangannya. Pria itu hanya bisa tersenyum pahit. Kemudian, mereka pergi dengan merangkul satu sama lain. 

"Seandainya kau kembali, mungkin kau akan melakukan hal yang sama, memukul kepalaku layaknya anak kecil yang melakukan hal yang salah, ya kan, salju putihku?" gumamku ketika melihat pasangan tersebut.

Ketika kusadari, ternyata taman ini sudah sepi. Riuh ramai anak kecil yang bermain dengan orang tua mereka juga pasangan dibangku taman sudah pergi bersamaan dengan pasangan petualang. Aku kemudian merapihkan gitarku dan mengumpulkan uang yang kudapat.

“Sepertinya aku perlu bertemu dengannya,” pikirku.

Matahari sudah menjadi jingga, tanda saatnya aku beranjak dari taman yang penuh kisah ini. Lalu pergi ke toko bunga untuk membeli bunga yang cocok untuknya, bunga mawar merah serta bunga rosemary yang ia sukai.

“Wah, pasti untuk dia, ya,” kata penjaga toko sambil menunjukan kelingkingnya yang bermaksud bunga ini untuk salju putihku.

“I..iya, ini untuk hari jadi kami yang ke 10 bulan serta untuk hari Valentine” kataku sambil membayar bunga yang kubeli.

“Wah, so sweet sekali kalian, semoga langgeng ya,” kata penjaga toko mengambil uangku,

”Terima kasih telah membeli disini,” dan kemudian diberikannya ikatan bunga dari mawar dan rosemary ini.

“Sama sama,” jawabku.

Aku berjalan menuju tempatnya. Tempatnya adalah tempat yang paling abadi yang pernah diketahui. Penuh dengan bunga bunga yang ia sukai.

“Hai, salju putihku, apa kabar? Sepertinya kau masih dapat melihatku dari langit sana. Aku ingin mengucapkan selamat hari jadi kita, ya. Udah yang ke-10 bulan,yah, gak berasa, dan juga sekaligus hari Valentine, aku berharap kamu masih berada disini bersamaku,” kataku pada nisannya kemudian terhenti karena tak kusadari air mata mulai meleleh dipipiku. 

“Aku ingin cerita banyak ke kamu, salju putihku. Bagaimana aku melihat para pasangan itu memiliki masalah masalah mereka sendiri. Padahal, hari ini hari kasih sayang, tetapi mereka perlahan menemukan jalan untuk menyelesaikannya, mungkin karena mereka mendengar laguku” gurauanku dengan air mata yang mengalir,

”Terima kasih untukmu karena telah membiarkanku mencintaimu selama 10 bulan terakhir, ini ada bunga untukmu,  untuk hari jadi kita dan untuk hari Valentine. Aku sangat bersyukur karena tuhan telah mengenalkanmu padaku. Aku mencintaimu, salju putihku,”.

Aku menangis di depan nisannya. Mengingat hari hari yang telah kulewati bersamanya. Mungkin bukan takdirku untuk bersamanya selamanya. Tapi, mungkin takdirku hanya dapat mencintainya selamanya.